Oneness

FPP# 7, Chapter 5 - "Mom is sex better than candy?"

1. Becoming one, While doctrinal foundation of Christian belief, is only given lip service by many couples—the sexual aspect of their relationship is not always acknowledged. Elder David A. Bednar (2006, p. 83) taught, “The natures of male and female spirits complete and perfect each other, and therefore men and women are intended to progress together toward exaltation.” Rabbi Shuley Boteach (1999, p. 55) identified physical intimacy of a husband and wife as something that symbolizes the tie between God and all of His creations. He stated that it is because of this symbolism “that Judaism has always identified sex as the most holy of all human endeavors.” This belief that marital sexual expression serves a purpose of oneness is also shared by other religions. Representing a Latter-day Saint view of marital sexual intimacy and becoming one Elder Jeffrey R. Holland (2001, pp. 17–18) said that sexual union is a “welding . . . in matrimony . . . [a] physical blending [symbolic of a] larger, more complete union of eternal purpose and promise . . . a symbol of total union . . . of their hearts, their hopes, their lives, their love, their family, their future, their everything.” H. B. Yusuf (2005, p. 3), speaking on the unity in marital intimacy, stated that in Islam, “the union of the man and his wife is traced to a common origin of equality because both are created from a single soul.” The Qur’an, the Islamic holy book, proclaims, soul and therefrom did he make his mate, that he might dwell in tranquility with her,” meaning that marital sexual union helps build tranquil unity between spouses (Al A’raf sura 7:189).

2. Connecting with God, God. A second purpose of marital sexual intimacy, connection with God, is described again by representatives of various religious views. Latter-day Saint writers and other Christians describe the sexual union of husband and wife as a sacrament. Gardner (2002, p. 5) described sex in marriage as “an act of worship, a sacrament of marriage that invites and welcomes the very presence of God.” Elder Holland (2001, pp. 27, 29) described this purpose of marital sexuality: Sexual intimacy is . . . symbolic of a union between mortals and deity, between otherwise ordinary and fallible humans uniting for a rare and special moment with God himself and all the powers by which he gives life in this wide universe of ours. . . . Indeed, if our definition of sacrament is that act of claiming, sharing, and exercising God’s own inestimable power, then I know of virtually no other divine privilege so routinely given to us all—women or men, ordained or unordained, Latter-day Saint or non-Latter-day Saint—than the miraculous and majestic power of transmitting life, the unspeakable, unfathomable, unbroken power of procreation.

3. Strengthening the emotional and spiritual bonds in marriage, Strengthening emotional and spiritual bonds in marriage, is likewise explained in various religious views around the world. President Spencer W. Kimball taught that the intimacy of sexual relations in marriage is a way of expressing love for one’s partner in marriage (Kimball, E. L., 1982). He said, “There is nothing unholy or degrading about sexuality in itself, for by that means men and women join . . . in an expression of love” (p. 311). Husbands and wives can learn to share a view that marital sexual expression is designed to protect and strengthen emotional bonds, which in turn will influence marital sexuality and satisfaction. From an Islamic point of view, the purpose of sexual intimacy is for the mutual pleasure and bonding of a wife to her husband. In Islam, M. Holland (1998) explained that one of the benefits of marriage is to obtain peace of mind. He goes on to state that the pleasure derived from sexual intercourse between a husband and wife is an example of happiness in the afterlife. The Qur’an states, “And among His signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts)” (Qur’an 30:21).

4. Procreation, The last purpose of marital physical intimacy, procreation and continuing of the generations, is emphasized not only by the Latter-day Saint faith but also by numerous other religions around the world. According to Ghazzali (translated by Fazlul-Karim, 1996, pp. 17–18), an imam and author in the Islamic faith, the main purpose of marriage is to beget children. He further states, “The [wife’s] uterus is the fertile field and both the male and female organs are the tools for cultivation. He [God] also created sexual passion in both the male and female for the bearing of children through the use of these organs.” Christianity, Judaism, and Islam point to the scriptural reference when God blessed Adam and Eve and told them, “Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth” (Genesis 1:28). Likewise, latter-day scripture confirms God’s injunction to “multiply” (Moses 2:28), that “the Gods” caused men and women to be fruitful in the context of lawful marriage, and They blessed marriage and gave it to Adam and Eve to be holy as the gateway of premortal spirits into this phase of their eternal progression (see Abraham 4:27–28). For the continuation of generations, the marital act of procreation is the foundation of the bridge between ancestors and progenitors. For those married couples unable to have children, the promise of increase as part of the Abrahamic covenant is an eternal promise (Nelson, 1995), and of course, for those who choose to adopt, the sealing power will achieve this same purpose as though the adoptive parents had borne the child biologically. In summary, the doctrinal views of the Latter-day Saint Church as well as many major religions of the world identify several purposes of marital sexuality: becoming one, connecting with God, strengthening the bonds of marriage, and bringing children into a family. Unfortunately, couples often understand only one or two of these purposes and ignore the rest. The sex-saturated culture so prevalent in modernized societies worships bodies and only focuses on the erotic purpose of sex, which emphasizes individual pleasure. Only focusing on this purpose of marital sexuality leads to a focus on “technique” to create the greatest physical pleasure. Gardner (2002, p. 13) agrees that despite more available knowledge of technique, couples are “more sexually empty, more sexually frustrated, and more sexually lost than ever before.” Alternatively, some couples Activity - Couples discussion - how to promote positive marital sexuality.

References

Harper, J. M., & Feinauer, L., (2016). Marital sexuality and fertility. In Hawkins, A. J., & Dollahite, D. C., & Draper, T. W., (Eds.), Success marriages and families – proclamation principles and research perspectives. pp. 49 - 58. Provo, Utah: Brigham Young University