Working Together Serving Others.

FPP#9, Chapter 22 - I've started with the punch line to the joke if you think about it. The title of the post is a little misleading because I wanted to talk about the origin of happiness. Think about how we find or look for happiness? Thought leaders of our day say happiness is a temporary state of well being or feeling wellness. So how do we find happiness? It is the pursuit to find comfort, pleasure, and wealth in the form of material things. Why then is this not a right path to follow? These quests to find the next "shiny thing" or get rich quickly or buy new clothes or a car are often a personal matter and not helpful to the family. As soon as we have the thing, we get used to it and then we are looking for something to replace it. The new thing that is going to make us happy. For example, say a husband likes to play golf, he is a good dad, yet no one the family is the least bit interested in golf. His golfing interests take him away from his family. Many have seen this type of behavior where the husband or wife go off to find comfort or pleasure, engaging in obsessive recreation apart from family. Is this the path to happiness, I think not. Sooner or later the husband will have to make a decision. What is more, critical, golf or the family? He also may lose interest for whatever reason and take on another sport or hobby that makes him happy. Pleasurable experiences are characterized by strong positive emotions. Although these strong positive emotions are highly desired, they are often short term. You eat a great meal and soon it is forgotten. You come in chilled aching from hours in cold weather, and it feels great to stand by the fire. An hour later, standing by the fire may become uncomfortably warm. We may believe we will be happier if we get a beautiful new house with all the modern comforts, or if we can go on cruises in the Caribbean and lie on white sandy beaches in the sun. If happiness is not the answer what is? Research on the effects external and internal that motivated aspirations found that people who focus on pleasure, wealth, and material goods are likely to experience poorer mental health—reflected in higher levels of anxiety and depression and poor social functioning. In contrast, people who “focus on developing satisfying personal relationships, growing as individuals, and contributing to their community” are among the healthiest in society. If pleasure, wealth, material goods, and beauty do not lead to happiness, what will? Or perhaps we are asking the wrong question. Do we want to be happy? Apparently not; at least not all the time. This answer may be surprising at first. Deci and Flaste wrote: In truth, happiness is not all that it’s cracked up to be, and most people don’t want to be happy all the time anyway. People often choose to go to movies or operas that are very unsettling—that terrify, sadden, disgust, or anger them. There is something about experiencing these emotions, whether in the safe and comfortable context of a theater or at a dangerous mountain pass in the Himalayas that is appealing to many people. . . .

FPP#9, Chapter 22 - I've actually started with the punch line to the a joke if you think about it. The title of the post is a little misleading because I actually wanted to talk about the origin of happiness.

Think about how we find or look for happiness? Thought leaders of our day say happiness is a short lived state of well being or feeling wellness. So how do we find happiness? It is the pursuit to find comfort, pleasure, and wealth in the form of material things.

Why then is this not a good path to follow? These quests to find the next "shiny thing" or get rich quickly or buy new clothes or a car are often a personal matter and not helpful to the family. As soon as we have the thing we get used to it and then we are looking for something to replace it. The new thing that is going to make us happy. For example, say a husband likes to play golf, he is a good dad, yet no one the family is the least bit interested in golf. His golfing interests take him away from his family. Many have seen this type of behavior where the husband or wife go off to find comfort or pleasure, engaging in obsessive recreation apart from family. Is this the path to happiness, I think not. Sooner or later the husband will have to make a decision, What more important golf or the family. He also may just lose interest for whatever reason and take on another sport or hobby that makes him happy.

Pleasurable experiences are characterized by strong positive emotions. Although these strong positive emotions are highly desired, they are often short term.. You eat a great meal and soon it is forgotten. You come in chilled aching from hours in cold weather and it feels great to stand by the fire. An hour later, standing by the fire may become uncomfortably warm. We may believe we will be happier if we get a beautiful new house with all the modern comforts, or if we can go on cruises in the Caribbean and lie on white sandy beaches in the sun.

If happiness is not the answer what is?

Research on the effects external and internal that motivated aspirations found that people who focus on pleasure, wealth, and material goods are likely to experience poorer mental health—reflected in higher levels of anxiety and depression and poor social functioning. In contrast, people who “focus on developing satisfying personal relationships, growing as individuals, and contributing to their community” are among the healthiest in society. If pleasure, wealth, material goods, and beauty do not lead to happiness, what will? Or perhaps we are asking the wrong question. Do we really want to be happy? Apparently not; at least not all the time. This answer may be surprising at first. Deci and Flaste wrote:

In truth, happiness is not all that it’s cracked up to be, and most people don’t really want to be happy all the time anyway. People often choose to go to movies or operas that are very unsettling—that terrify, sadden, disgust, or anger them. There is something about experiencing these emotions, whether in the safe and comfortable context of a theater or at a dangerous mountain pass in the Himalayas that is appealing to many people. . . . The true meaning of being alive is not just to feel happy, but to experience the full range of human emotions (1996, p. 192, italics in original). I underlined the last sentence.

Social science research suggests that the most effective way to strengthen family are joint activities. That is activities that everyone in the family participates. Through this interaction, there is more talking and conversation. You go camping, canoeing, play tennis or chess, and rock climbing. Time spent playing with children is time well spent. Parents can show their kids how to play safely. They can show them good sportsmanship, kindness and fair play. Adolescents is a difficult time in for all families wholesome activities can level the playing field. These activities can provide an environment where adolescents can open up and talk about things they're struggling with. It can also help them develop a healthy identity.

Family recreation provides a variety of important benefits. Some research has shown that family satisfaction with current levels of leisure involvement is a strong predictor of overall satisfaction with family life, even when accounting for income, marital status, age, and history of divorce. Other social scientists suggest that recreational activities involving the family are central to families of every kind. They found a positive relationship between the quality of family relationships and a family’s participation in outdoor recreational activities. Other literature cites specific benefits such as enhanced communication, interaction, satisfaction, problem-solving, trust, and love.

There are so many opportunities around us to play together as a family. It take a little planning and effort. Wholesome recreation is an intentional process. It can serve to promote positive development in our children, strengthen our marriages, and build healthy families.

Wholesome activities include opportunities to verbally communicate, develop skills, face challenges, create memories, share traditions and beliefs, and spend time together in the family setting.

Let's not get caught up in wanting for comforts and pleasured beyond what we require. I have never been into obtaining a managerial role in my career. I have been content to be a team player and get the job done. I've always tried to put the family first and have not worked in jobs that required Sunday labor, and we have been blessed. I was surprised when my wife agreed that I should do the PathwayConnect program. I graduated from that and started my online degree through BYU Idaho straight after that. Yes, it is, time-consuming but we believe it is worth is. However, I make time to have family prayer, family scripture study and Family Home Evening. I make sure I am part of cleaning the house and supporting my wife. When opportunities present themselves for the family to go out to a concert or the movies etc., they know I want to come, and they support me when I say, "I sorry, I'd love to come, but there is too much homework at the moment." If one of the family approach me, while I am studying, I stop and give them time. If they need me, I spend time with them and return to studying later. It is difficult at times by the Lord's helps us to make it work.

References

Widmer, M. A., & Taniguchi, S. T., (2016). Wholesome family recreation: Building strong families. In Hawkins, A. J., & Dollahite, D. C., & Draper, T. W., (Eds.), Success marriages and families – proclamation principles and research perspectives. pp. 225-236. Provo, Utah: Brigham Young University