Cheating in Marriage

The post is about preventing extra marital activity. Infidelity is easier to prevent than to remedy. In addition to working to strengthen our marriages, we can prevent affairs by being on guard and being fiercely loyal!

Often we think that infidelity primarily happens when spouses do not love each other enough, when the marriage is bad, when sexual intimacy is suffering, or when a more attractive alternative comes along. But infidelity is not primarily about love, sex, or attraction; it is about boundaries—where we draw the line.

This is a state of mind and commitment to your spouse, yourself and God. One of the greatest blessings of entering into a marriage covenant in the temple with your spouse and Heavenly Father is the desire to cleave to and become one with your spouse and our Father in Heaven.

I liken it to "There is one body, and one Spirit, even as ye are called in one hope of your calling; One Lord, one faith, one baptism, One God and Father of all, who is above all, and through all, and in you all" (Ephesians 4: 4-6). And so it is with marriage, we want the very best and hope for eternal life with our companion. Therefore, we are focused on one eternal marriage, cheating and infidelity are alien concepts to the divine sacred atmosphere on our wedding day. So, how to do we protect our marriage? We set boundaries!

Therapist and author Dr. Shirley Glass (2003) points out that infidelity is more about boundaries than anything else. She uses the analogy of walls and windows. In an extramarital affair, people put up walls in their own marriage and open the window to others outside the marriage. Instead, we must know how to put up appropriate walls to protect our marriages from outside influences and open the window of love and communication within our marriage.

Wise Walls for Preventing Infidelity

(Gardner, & Greiner, 2016, p 64).

1. Resist the desire to rescue an unhappy soul who pours his or her heart out to you.

2. Don’t share the most painful things of your soul with an attractive alternative. This develops deep levels of intimacy.

3. If a conversation makes light of marriage, respond with something positive about your own marriage.

4. Discuss marital issues with your spouse. Work on the problems at home. If you do need to talk to someone else about your marriage, be sure he or she is a friend of the marriage.

5. Don’t have lunch or take work breaks with the same person all the time.

6. Don’t have lunch alone with an old flame.

7. If an old boyfriend or girlfriend is going to be at a class reunion, make sure you bring your spouse along.

8. When you travel with a coworker, meet only in public places.

9. Don’t flirt with anyone other than your spouse.

10. Don’t travel together with someone of the opposite sex when going to meetings for work, church, or in other circumstances.

References

Gardner, S., & Greiner, C., (2016). Honoring marital vows with complete fidelity. In Hawkins, A. J., & Dollahite, D. C., & Draper, T. W., (Eds.), Success marriages and families – proclamation principles and research perspectives. pp. 59-68. Provo, Utah: Brigham Young University