FAMILY TIES - Finding Balance.
- Rennie Devison
- Apr 3, 2019
- 3 min read
“Families are in a constant state of change; yet it is our inherent nature to resist change. Parents encourage their children to grow up while simultaneously discouraging them from growing up too fast. Families outgrow their homes and want to move to nicer places but are reluctant to leave familiar surroundings. Such dilemmas create internal conflict and strain as family members attempt to adjust to change. These dilemmas can be solved with knowledge, preparation, and skills adapted to each stage of our lives.” (Bernard Poduska, “Till Debt Do Us Part:” Chapter 11 Financial Challenges and the Life Cycle).
Some rules I learned and observed about money as I was growing up were: “Money doesn’t grow on trees,” “stay away from credit cards, save up and buy what you need cash,” “live within your means, and don’t steal.” “Finally, “working for the Man” sucks the life out of you.” Listening to my parents talk about money was distressing to me and at times I felt insecure not knowing were food was going to come from. I lived in an era that children should be seen and not heard, we lived in a house where Dad ruled, what he said goes and nobody was allowed to voice their opinion. Working hard takes your parent away from you. Dad was always working we saw him once or twice a week. I know Dad went overseas for building projects. Once I was going to elementary school my mother got a full-time job. Because Dad, I guess, earned enough to provide the essentials and mums wage allowed us to be a high earning “middle class” family.
I have been influenced and perceptions etched in my mind of the financial philosophies taught by my parents. Our family lacked, love and compassion. I had low self-esteem and whatever I did for my family wasn’t good enough. “My parents were workaholics,” when I was in my 30’s, I spoke to my Dad about their work ethic, never again. I can’t even remember how the conversation started, so I will assume the opening line went something like this, “Dad, do you love me?”
I was surprised at the aggression in his voice, “What do you mean! … Of course, I love you. You’ve had a roof over your head, clothes on your back, food on the table, and you got an education. What more do you want? Your mother and I didn’t want you and your brother to go with out anything like we did growing up.” I somehow got my self out of that awkward moment. However, my thoughts were flooded, and I dearest not open my mouth.
What I heard, I felt like this picture and I was thinking, “Yeah Dad, I get that … but where is the love; the hugs, the kisses.” I do remember being tucked into bed and read stories when I was a toddler.
My brother and I turned out okay. We became men of integrity and trust, straight shooters and knew how to look a man in the eye and say what was on our mind. Although I wasn’t great at it I knew not to spend more than I earned and never got a credit card until I was married, because the bank told me I had to have one for the loan we organised. We saved before we brought things. At the peak of my career our combine wages were AU$110,000 per annum. We fell, victim to over spending thinking the money was always going to be there. Some years later it all caught up with us. It took a lot of soul searching, commitment and some profession help, and we got back on track; we taught our children.
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